Kenny Knight


The Queen's favourite band is
The Buckingham Shed collective.

The Buckingham Shed Collective once played
Fanfare For The Common Man on Gardeners World.

The Buckingham Shed Collective
gatecrashed The Eurovision Song Contest
back in the days of pounds shillings and pence.

My mum's favourite band was Ted Heath and his Orchestra.

Ted Heath and his Orchestra
never entered The Eurovision Song Contest
though they sounded nothing like Abba
when they played Waterloo Sunset.

The Eurovision Song Contest
is the main reason Britain joined The Common Market.
When The Common Market turned into The European Union,
the drummer in the Buckingham Shed Collective
became a shop steward in The House Of Commons.

My mother brought me and my two sisters into the world,
but Ted Heath took us into Europe.

Back in the days of the big band
you were either a member of The Royal Family,
a member of the nuclear family,
The Buckingham Shed Collective
or Ted Heath and his Orchestra.

Back in the days of the big bang,
one half of me wanted to be a member of Ban The Bomb,
and the other half wanted to split
the atom with my mother's nutcrackers.

Back when The Queen made her first Royal visit
to Buckingham Shed,
I wanted to rule the world
when Harry Secombe had had enough.

The first Buckingham Shed Collective tribute band
were called The Shedheads.

Back when Ted Heath orchestrated Britain's move into Europe.
the drummer in The Buckingham Shed Collective
became a member of The House Of Lords.

Back when the big band era was in its prime.
twenty to thirty big swingers stood on the runway
at Twinwood Airport to wave Glenn Miller goodbye.

The big bang gave birth to the big band.
The big bang gave big to one of my favourite
blues rock bands
Big Brother And The Holding Company.
The big bang gave birth to democracy,
feedback, distortion,
and Ted Heath and his orchestra.

Ted Heath and his Orchestra always voted Conservative.

When the big band era ended
Ted Heath became Prime Minister.